Sub Notes

     I don't sub too often anymore. Cara and I are busy enough with work and baby and playstation. Willamette high school was having three math teachers out last Friday and needed an advanced math sub, so I acquiesced. (big word!) A few notes from my recent subbing adventures:

     - I had a conversation with a student that I wish I could have with every student. He doesn't like math - and my guess is he doesn't like school. He said to another student "It's not like the world will end if I fail a math class."
     I was helping another student at this time, but luckily it's part of my job to eavesdrop. I turned around, looked at him, and said "You're right. The world won't end. But the world won't end if you study and pay attention in class either."
     Him: Why? What's the point of learning math? (I love this question).
     Me: What do you want to do when you grow up?
     Him: I don't know.
     Me: Exactly. You don't know what you want to do. So, we teach you everything. That way, when you do start to decide what you want to do, you have options.
     Him: But, what if I just want to work on a boat?
     Me: Great! Go join the Navy and work on a boat.
     Him: (he didn't like this idea) No, I mean like, some old fishing boat.
     Me: Great! If you want to work on an old fishing boat, go for it. But, my guess is you have never actually worked on a boat. What if you do it, and then find out that it's not what you want to do? What if you decide you would really like to design boats or build boats or do something entirely different. Wouldn't it be wise for you to not limit your options now? So that if you want to do something that's hard, or that everyone wants to do, like design video games, you are educated and equipped? You might not care about making a lot of money, and that's fine, but money is very nice to have. It's very nice to be able to take care of yourself and, maybe one day, your wife and family. Well, the best way to make money is with an education, and more specifically with and education in math and science. You're right: the world's not going to end if you fail this math class. But you might end up regretting it later on.
     Him: Huh.

     I don't know if I made any sort of difference in his life or future, but let's pretend like I did, okay? The other boy he was talking to was also paying pretty close attention, so maybe I got a 2-for-1 there.

     - The school wanted me to arrive around 7:30, for classes that start at 8:00. That's no problem. However, the school was on a block schedule and I didn't have a first period, so I didn't start teaching until 9:45. That's over two hours of me sitting by myself in an empty classroom!! Super frustrating. I took my Kindle and Ipod but was still painfully bored. Additionally, their wi-fi was password protected. So I started guessing. Willamette high school is in the Bethel school district, so I guessed variations on "Bethel," "Bethel School District," "BethelSD," "WillametteHigh," "Password" and "Wolverine." A student later told me the password was "B3thel." Dang it!!

     - I sing and hum very often. Especially when I am in the room by myself. Back when I was teaching high school, It was always weird for my TA's, or students that were taking tests, when it would just be me and him or her in a room and I would start singing. I think it's even more weird for students that I am subbing for. I'll walk around handing out papers or checking work, humming whatever song I heard last. I am fine with being the weird-guy-that-likes-math, though.

     - I was just terribly bored while subbing. Students did worksheets, classes were 90 minutes long, I wasn't needed for anything. There was one point where I was spinning on the stool in the front of the room, trying to make myself dizzy. (No, really!) While spinning, I heard a conversation out in the hall. A student had stepped out to talk to a friend. A school employee of some sort - like a campus monitor - was interrupting their conversation. I hear him say "Would you be doing this if your teacher was here?" and promply stopped and looked up. He was giving me a quizzical look. I am a good sub.

"The Universe" in Film and Television

Wow! The cold, mathematically governed universe has a plan for us!

     There's this trend in entertainment media to talk about "The Universe." "The Universe" will find you a soul mate, or the Universe will provide you with a job or the Universe will magically unite you with your estranged siblings or the Universe is generally looking out for you. The Universe seems to have a plan and you are a big part of it. The Universe has a capital first letter.
     I find this very disingenuous. Or maybe it's naive. I understand that television shows and movies don't want to talk about God. Atheists and agnostics are a growing population, and professing a belief in God is becoming increasingly dangerous in today's cultural climate. But ascribing some intention, or motive, or even understanding to the big ol' universe (or nature, as it were) is undeniably absurd. Either the universe is full of planets and stars and not any sort of all-encompassing consciousness, or there is a God of some sort who knows enough, cares enough, and is powerful to unite the sympathetic lead character with her mom.
     I've tried to figure out why this is the case. (Let's be clear: when I say "I tried to figure out" that doesn't mean I did any sort of research. I am a blogger for crying out loud. It means "I couldn't sleep one night and thought about it.)" Originally, my assumption was that the people involved in making shows and movies aren't personally religious. Statistically that is unlikely, but it wouldn't surprise me that there is a push to pull God out of entertainment. God has become a loaded idea, with a lot of hatred and judgement and violence attached to it. Avoiding everything that could come with a "war on terror" that is really a "war on militant Islamists" makes sense, from an economic and political standpoint. Additionally, when was the last time you saw a consistent, strong God-fearing character that wasn't a caricature or jihadist trying to thwart Jack Bauer? Tyler Perry tries to make them I guess, but none of the "media elite" take him or his work seriously. This dearth of characters that reflect a significant portion of the viewing population strikes me as forced.


     But I think there's more to it. Invoking a God invokes not only judgement and hate (which, by the way, isn't really how it has to be), but it invokes morality and values that the media doesn't like to portray. It's hard to have your lead character trying to find a soul mate and wanting some direction (or some hope that there's a plan), but simultaneously showing him trying to get laid, drunk, and/or high every episode. You might not attach any morality to these actions, but the "God" that most people believe in does. It's pretty self-defeating to ask God to bring you your soul mate so the two of you can have sex and see if there's anything there, when God intended for sex to be between a man and a wife.
     So how can these characters still have faith in a plan, or the idea of a "soul mate" (which requires having a soul, which requires God - we can discuss that if you'd like), or some sense of destiny, when the cold hard universe alone provides none of these provisions? We give the universe a capital letter and hope no one cares. Or notices.

An example of a typical Christian character.

     It's probably Christian's fault that God is being pulled from entertainment. Christians are increasingly known for wanting to punch gay children and attacking abortionists, but I don't think that picture is accurate. Maybe I just hope it isn't. When I think of Christian characters on television or in movies, they are hypocritical, shallow, judgmental, or naive. They are usually the source of humor or conflict, not the source of conflict resolution.

50/50. Worth watching.

     You know where this idea first struck me? Of course you don't so I will tell you. Cara and I were watching the movie 50/50, a Judd Apatow flick about a guy that has cancer. (Tangent: I find Apatow's work to be incredibly honest and realistic, which - more than his humor - is in my opinion why he's so popular. The only Christian character of his that I can recall is Lindsay Weir's former-best-friend on Freaks and Geeks - Millie - who was a sweet and well-intentioning girl, but was very naive and eventually needed to experience her own rebellion like Lindsay did. I can't think of a single other God-fearing character.) There's a really heartbreaking scene in 50/50 where Adam (who has cancer) is dropped off at the hospital by his friend Kyle, to have an important surgery. The car is parked, Adam is about to get out, and Kyle says something utterly forgettable. I have in fact forgotten it. It was something like "see you after" or "well, here you go" or something. It struck me as sad and depressing that these friends had nothing more to offer each other (and of course Kyle would have liked to be more encouraging or supportive, but what can he do? He doesn't believe in God, so invoking any sort of plan or destiny - even from "The Universe" would have been just as hollow as saying "let's split the parking costs").
     It's a moment that any God-fearing individual can optimistically, encouragingly say "I will pray for you." And anyone going into surgery can appreciate that sentiment of prayer, even if they don't think it will make a practical difference.
     (Is that what it's like for people that don't believe in God? They have nothing, not even a weird idea like prayer, to offer someone when they are about to undergo an event that no one has any control over? That honestly sounds awful.)
     The movie has this depressing, stark reality that Adam has no hope. He's a classically Apatowian post-adolescent male with no apparent drive or ambition or conviction about life. He lives alone and dates a pretty awful girl. His friend uses his cancer to get them laid and get them weed. He's not in contact with his parents, for what he thinks are noble reasons (trying to avoid spoilers here because the movie is worth seeing), and even his psychologist is over-matched with him as a case. There is absolutely no hope, and there is absolutely no mention of The Universe or God or destiny or anything. Of course a character and setting like this can't exist on a sitcom or any sort of comedy - there's just no way an audience can keep watching the depressing world unfold.
     So, if Apatow's honest and consistent portrayal of a world full of death, sickness, loss, heartache and not God is accurate, but a show doesn't want to invoke God, they call forth on The Universe. Let the universe provide hope and a plan, while not judging the sex and the drugs.
     You get the point. I need to get ready for work. Let's sum things up by saying that I find this trend of calling upon "The Universe" to be fundamentally inconsistent, and that bothers me.

Time-Sensitive Prayers

Obligatory poster for a discussion on time travel... check.

     A while back some Chinese dudes informed us that it is not possible to travel back in time; the math doesn't add up. According to them, it might be possible to go forwards in time, but definitely not backwards (the article I link seems to think differently). I have known this for a long time, though, by this simple logic: If it was possible to travel back in time, then someone would have traveled back in time already. We'd know. He'd show up and say "Hey guys! It's possible! I did it! I traveled as far back in time as I felt safe, just so I could tell you that, hey! It's possible! It turns out all you have to do is have two video cameras recording each other as they record each other, and maybe a solar flare or something! Don't let McDonald's do that pink sludge thing they did-or-will-do for a while!!"
     I understand that logic isn't foolproof, but I think it's pretty close. I do have this one nagging question, though:

     Can prayer travel back in time?

     Do you ever tell someone you'll pray for them, and then forget about it? I have done this several times. One time I had a friend going in for surgery. I told him I'd pray for him during the surgery. I did not. I was probably doing something important like saving Princess Peach or not grading papers at the time. When I remembered that my friend was having surgery, it was like 4 hours after his surgery. I panicked. What do I do?
     Well, I prayed for him. "Dear God I hope his surgery went well."
     Then I thought about that prayer. "Dear God I hope his surgery went well." Besides the fact that it was pretty thin and almost selfish, it had one big problem: It was past tense. I was praying for something that already happened, hoping it happened in a certain way. Was that remotely valid? Did it accomplish anything? Was God laughing at me?
     I guess when I see someone who just came back from vacation, I say "I hope the weather was nice" or "I hope you had a good time." Those are sincere feelings and expressions. But at the same time, I am not trying to impact or change anything about their trip, I'm just expressing that I am pulling for them. Whereas, when I pray for someone's surgery, or job interview, or, I dunno, root canal, to go well, I believe at some level that prayer can actually make a difference in the events that unfold. That is fundamentally different from hoping that the sun was out yesterday.

     So I continued to think about that specific prayer, and prayer in general. Prayer is weird and I don't really get it. If I ask for something, often, and for the right reasons, in the right way, I might get what I ask for? If praying about something causes that thing to happen - and let's pretend that if I hadn't prayed for that thing than it wouldn't have happened - does that mean that prayer can change God's mind? Can God change his mind? Are there things of less consequence that God can decide on at the moment, while others are pretty set in stone?

     (In my opinion, for those last three questions: yes, yes and yes)

     So, say that Joe had a successful surgery. It was successful because so many wonderful, handsome people like myself were praying for him. Except I prayed for him after the fact. But God knew that I would pray for him, so Joe met his prayer quota. So God had the surgery go well at the last second. Whew! Good thing I still prayed even though I thought it was too late, huh!
     No, not a good thing. If I were to pray, today, that 9-11 never happened, it would still have happened. Or if I were to pray that I had never dislocated my shoulder, to grab a much smaller and more reasonable example, it still would have happened. In effect (while dealing with this "Joe" hypothetical), me praying for Joe's surgery didn't change the outcome of his surgery, the outcome of Joe's surgery dictated that I would pray for his surgery!! Don't you see! If God were to make a decision, based on a prayer that I had yet to make, He was really forcing me down a path that I would pray my prayers! What!? No free will!? I don't like that.
     Now, maybe I would have prayed anyways, and sure He could have known that, and thus counted the prayers for that surgery throughout time, but then shouldn't we just devote ourselves to praying for all things past, present, future, but especially in the past?
     What happens if I pray "God I pray I don't pray this prayer." ??

     Conclusion: My prayers cannot go back in time.

     That is okay, because I think the essence of prayer is the heart, and God knows my heart was with Joe, at some pathetically incompetent and selfish level. So even though I didn't pray for his surgery, God might have counted it anyways. Or He might not have cared.

     For what it's worth, I don't think God is looking for a prayer quota, or the right words or conditions for Him to agree to things we ask for. I think it's primarily a method for getting us to talk with Him. I think He just likes having us invite Him in our life. Like when my parents allowed me to be dead broke and starving hungry throughout college; they knew it would bring me home to ask for food and eat dinner, and they were still at point that they liked having me around. (They didn't think I was aware of this sordid little plot but I was.)

     So we cannot go back in time, and our prayers probably can't either. This is undoubtedly a good thing.

    Also, for what it's worth (FWIW as the kids say): I now, whenever I tell someone I will pray for them, pray for them right then. Like, as we are talking I think "Dear God I pray for that thing I just said I'd pray for."
    On a related note, I am not as good of a prarer as I used to be. (Isn't it weird how sometimes we say "pray-yer" and sometimes we say "prare?") So, I guess it's not surprising that I have to resort to praying for someone immediately, and in such a wanting fashion as "I pray for what I just said," but I'll get it back.

How To Be A Fantastic Facebooker

I use this picture for lots of things (obviously, look around). It epitomizes what I want you to think about me: relaxed, adventurous, hammock-owning, water-loving, hat-wearing. Etc. 

     I start off a lot of my blog posts with a lie. A statement along the lines of "All of you ask me all the time, how are you so great at knitting?!" and then I dive into my blog post on knitting. Of course no one has ever actually said anything like that to me.

     This one, however is not a lie. I have had a fair amount of people comment that I am a great facebooker. A friend recently told me that, by commenting on her status update, I had validated her status. Another friend, who I consider a terrific facebooker, once told me he reads everything I put on the book (Wow! What a great feeling. This must be what it feels like when you are following someone on twitter and they follow you back!!).

     I tell you this not (entirely) to boast, but to establish my credentials: I am a good facebooker. You can be a good facebooker too. Follow these important rules:

     1) This is the most important facebook rule of all time. NEVER EVER EVER POST SOLELY ABOUT THE WEATHER. Is it snowing outside? Everyone knows. Everyone else is posting about the snow. The cool kids don't have time to post about the snow because they are out playing in the snow. You look like an idiot. You can post about something you are doing in the weather. If it is sunny out, and the sun inspired you to write a classic rock song, awesome. Tell the world. If the sun is out and that is the entirety of your day, make something up.

     2) You are allowed to be too cool for punctuation. No one is too cool for proper spelling. This isn't twitter. You don't have a tight character limit, you have a keyboard or a smartphone, take the time to re-read your post. If you misspelled a word, that becomes the focus of your post instead of what a great time you had with the grils last night! Wooo! It's not worth it.

     3) Post things that make you look like a loser as well as things that make you look awesome. Too much of either is very transparent. We all know you have a lot of loser in you (how do we know this, you might ask? Because you have a facebook and you check it.) So your profile picture can be you on top of a mountain or in hawaii or something, but you can also explain that you are afraid to dive head-first into water. Find the balance.

    4) Don't use facebook primarily to promote your band or your blog or you art or your photography. Sure, let it seep through, because it's who you are, but when you turn the book into your personal advertising platform, your "friends" start to think they are your "demographic" and will unsubscribe.

     5) In general, don't "share" links often. Instead, go to the source, copy and paste the link and place it as your status update. People will think you found it on your own, and for some reason they think that's cool. I stumbled onto this recently. In the picture above, a friend (and sucker) credited me for sharing something "first," when really I originally saw this video on someone else's page. (Also, the video is really worth watching if you haven't already). This ties in with the next one:

     6) Don't participate in a meme unless you personally started that meme. It's just too risky. Those things have a shelf life of about 42 minutes before everyone realizes it's about to be cool to be sick of them.

     7) I will never judge anybody for the games they play. If you want to Farmville, feel free to Farmville away. But for the love of my feed do not have the game you play send me requests and invites. I don't care how many baby cows you raised today or that if I click a link I can earn you 5 gold coins. I don't care. No one cares.

     8) Limit your status updates. Maybe one or two a day. And take a day off frequently. You need to have people clamoring for more. I am constantly in a state of trying to decide which status update to post (as I always have like five floating around my brain. That's normal, right?), because some are time-sensitive and some are gold whenever. The above Coscto post? I've wanted to share it for months. (I've really been crushing it there for months, to be honest). I've let some gold updates fall through the cracks, just because I don't want to overwhelm the world.

     I'll be the first to admit that when Wyatt was born I was facebooking like crazy. Had to tone it down. It'll happen.

     9)  Comment rarely. The stuff you have to say is not very profound or important. It's just not. If you only say your unprofound thoughts rarely, they might seem a bit more important. I struggle with this one. I can't tell you how many times I have typed something and promptly deleted it. If a comment survives you thinking it over, it's worth commenting.

     10)  Follow facebook etiquette. There are a few basic rules:
            - If your post or comment is one sentence, you don't need to punctuate. If it is more, general grammar rules apply.
            - Know when to post to someone's wall and when to send them a message. If you want the world to see it, send it to their wall. If you are saying "let's hang out" or "how you doin?" then make it a message. Otherwise you look desperate.
            - If one person you know is in a conversation that comes up on your feed, and you are not a part of the conversation but want to be, check who first started the topic. If you know that person, feel free to chime in. If not, take a moment to introduce yourself and then chime in.
            - Just stop and think about who and what you are tagging before you tag it, okay?

     You see, having a facebook is all about projecting the illusion that you have a life, and important thoughts and ideas. You do have a life and important ideas, but your life and ideas aren't that cool or unique. You are not LeBron James or Mel Gibson. You certainly aren't Daniel Tosh. (In fact, since you are still reading this I can pretty safely assume you are my mom, or at least related to me. Hi mom and/or aunts!!). The illusion of cool can come from some simple, tactful facebook techniques. It's simply about supply and creating demand. If you limit the supply, over time people will find your facebooking more valuable and gravitate towards it more. Thus, you seem cool when in fact we are not.

     Not at all.

Anti-April

I have two questions: 1) Is this what spring is like in the rest of the world?
2) Could I get any lazier with the photos I grab off google?

     April is my least favorite month.

     It is the longest teaching month, in my opinion, because there are no holidays. Students start to get antsy for summer, but it is still to far away to really look forward to. Days get long, but it's still raining and gray out. I feel like April is one big, long holding pattern before summer really starts to roll around. I am glad it is only 30 days. I am glad it is almost half over.
     When you live in a place that gets one big burst of sun from June till the end of October in a good year, and from late July until early September in a bad year, you learn to really cherish the sunshine and warmth. Missing out on sunshine is a particularly devastating feeling, as I've mentioned before. That's part of why I became a teacher, so that I could have my summers off (as well as all of that stuff about raising the next generation and helping people with stuff and stuff). When April rolls around and you can see some sun and blue sky, but know it rarely lasts for more than 20 minutes at a time, it's a particularly tough tease to deal with.

     So today, with Cara at work all day, Wyatt scooting all over the floor entertaining himself, and me stuck trying to get some work done in a messy house, I found myself feeling nostalgic. I usually get nostalgic when the weather gets warmer. A few nights ago I tutored a college student on U of O campus. It was a warm spring night, just after a rain. It smelled great. There was energy on campus. People were young and having fun. I walked right by my old college house. I thought of all the nights where I started having fun at 10 pm, playing disc golf, or riding to a friend's house, or just riding along the bike path. College was fun, and it's over.

The view out my back yard this morning. At least there is one pretty
flowering bush. And the moss on that apple tree is coming in nicely. Do you notice how the sky blends in perfectly with the background of the blog? Wow. Long caption.

     I tutored some high school students as well. I don't miss high school much, but I had so much fun in those summers. Swimming and biking and playing and sleeping in and working late and counseling. I love summers. Will I ever get another one? I haven't had a great summer in a long, long time. I've been stuck in different towns without adventure friends and without cars. I've had to teach in the middle of the day, four days a week. I've had torn acl's keeping me on couches. I've camped maybe four times and rafted maybe two rivers in the past 5 summers. I used to call that July. The threat of not being able to play for another summer is looming, and depressing.

     I used to hate change. When I was young I made my best friends every summer counseling at camp. They were older and usually went of to college come September. The last week or two of camp even had that different feel, where we had to get fill-in counselors to make up for the college students who left, or the athletes who had daily doubles in August. On the last day of camp I wouldn't see them ever again. It saddened me.
     I've gotten over that loathing of change, though. I truly believe that the next stage of life is better than the last one if you let it be. Still, the lack of permanence in life is unsettling. Friends get jobs and move away. Wyatt will one day go to college, and he might not come back. It's at times like this that I find the comfort of a loving God and everlasting savior to be of immense importance. I take great comfort in knowing that one day I will be with Him and those I love forever. I just have to get through this life, really.

     Change is good when we go from April to August. Change is bad when October moves to January. But I can't try to live in a way where I only accept the good and the bad, I need to just make the best of the bad when it comes along. It turns out, that's easy to do when I have a beautiful wife, healthy baby, warm house and loving God. 

Generosity in Excess

    Just like you and everybody else, I did not win MegaMillions. I did not inherit a 640 million dollar prize (might as well be called AlmostBillions), and I am not going to be able to purchase Hawaii.
     My wife's dad bought everyone scratch-its for Christmas. My wife was the big winner in the family, bringing home a cool 5 dollars. We hadn't cashed that money in, so we did the day before the big MegaMillions drawing, and used those 5 dollars on 5 lottery tickets. I actually had one number right! I have never bought a lottery ticket before, and plan to very rarely.

Our big $5 winnings. Giving people a lottery card for Christmas is like giving the gift of disappointment.

     Of course, like you, I spent a lot of time dreaming and planning about what I would do with that kind of money. After I had paid of everyone's debts and built the house I wanted and done all of that typical stuff, I'd still have like, what, 450 million dollars? (I can't remember what the cash payout was). What on earth can you do with that kind of money? You have to just give it away before it ruins you, right? How do you give it away? Do I team up with Uncle Phil and renovate the other side of Autzen? Or donate to the schools in the area? There are lots of places and causes I would want to give money, but I'd still not know what to do with that kind of change.

     That got me thinking about generosity. Can someone be generous when they are giving out of excess? Like, when Cara doesn't want to finish her dinner and gives it to me, is that generous of her? Sort of, it is very kind that she thinks of me, but, it's not like she was sacrificing anything. If I gave away 300 million dollars, which is an absurd amount of money for us mortals, I would seem very generous, but really I just didn't know what else to do with it.
     Maybe I am not understanding the term "generous" completely, and am confusing it with "sacrifice," but I realized that if I had won that lottery, it would really be impossible for me to be financially generous anymore. I could no longer give of my money in a way that truly impacts my own life. I could still be generous with my time and, I dunno, my good looks or something, but I feel like I would have to work to try and find ways to stay truly generous, whereas right now if I give away money, it's always money that could have bought me a video game or a cheeseburger.
     I guess generosity is about the heart, and the motives behind giving. Giving to help people is still going to help them, and if you give away money when you could have used on yourself in some way, that is still generous.

     I'll close with this: it bothers me that "generous" and "generosity" don't both have u's in them.

Chronicles of Rehab: Best Spring Break Ever?

     I DISLOCATED MY SHOULDER WHILE SKIING THREE YEARS AGO. I NEVER HAD SURGERY ON THE SHOULDER BECAUSE I WAS CHEAP AND I COULD LIVE WITH IT. IT WASN'T IMPACTING MY DAY TO DAY LIFE. THIS PAST AUGUST I TORE MY ACL. IT IMMEDIATELY IMPACTED MY DAY TO DAY LIFE. I DECIDED TO OPERATE ON BOTH, IN THE SAME INSURANCE YEAR, SO THAT I COULD "BUY ONE GET ONE FREE" FOR SURGERIES AND REHAB. THESE EXPERIENCES WILL LIKELY DOMINATE THIS BLOG FOR THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE.

     Spring Break in the rest of the country seems like a warm, happy, magical time. The sun is out, there is heat radiating from the sky, and you can enjoy the end of the cold, dark winter with nine days of relaxation. In the Pacific Northwest, spring break is a stretch of nine days to continue experiencing dark, grey wet dripping from the sky. If you want sun you have to head south.
     So when I had my knee surgery the Thursday before spring break started, I had one hope: I hoped it rained for the entire break.
     When you only get sun -- real, consistently warm sun -- for four or five months a year, it's devastating to miss out on it. If I was stuck in bed or on pain killers while the world was playing and frolicking and smiling I would be miserable.

     Lucky for me, what I got was a week of couches, beds, playstation, nintendo, pain killers, march madness and being waited on hand and foot - all while the weather outside was predominately stormy and wet. It. was. wonderful.

     Things like this happened:

     This was taken right after I got home from surgery. I got in the couch and wanted to start the adventure, so I grabbed the computer and promptly fell asleep. Like and hour and a half later Cara tried to take it from me and I woke up, having not done a thing, and said "no I'm not done yet" and held on the laptop. I then promptly went back to bed.

     Once I tried to get up and about I realized the beauty of surgery:

     I get to ride scooters around stores! I have a handicapped parking permit! People get out of my way! People hold elevators for me! I think that handicapped parking permit is going to be a ridiculous luxury come june - september, when I am no longer really hobbling around. I'll try not to abuse it.

     This spring break I beat a video game I had wanted to play for over a decade (Majora's Mask if anyone cares). I didn't do an ounce of work until the Friday of spring break. I didn't feed the baby or walk it around or try to put it to sleep. I didn't make dinner or clean. People felt very sorry for me and were nice to me. I didn't go to church but slept in (I'm not saying that's a plu-- yes I am). I watched shows on Netflix and tried Hulu+ (it's awful, don't get it).

This is Wyatt on the bed with me whilest I play nintendo.  This is the dream/

     I truly hope I never have to do it again.