The Five Stages of Housewifery

(Seen Through Facebook)

   I am a man and I work hard and have a job, but I imagine it's hard for a woman to stay home with the baby all day long. Women that sacrifice careers and self-fulfillment to raise a baby are heroes, which is better than being a heroine. Recently I experienced first-hand the struggles of being a housewife: The five stages of housewifery. The stages are well documented of course: excitement, fear, sharing, emptiness and other pursuits, exhaustion - all of them are ultimately cries for help, and they are common among stay-at-home moms, and need to be addressed. I recently experienced all six of the stages of housewifery in a very public manner: The Facebook. I've taken my housewife life and pulled it from the pages of The Facebook, then break it down below, trying to raise awareness for this important issue.

(In order to protect other people that commented on my The Facebook posts, pictures were copied and cropped. Please bear with the blurry, raw, startling images that follow. Also, all comments come in a third-person form to make it seem more real or something.)

Stage 1: Excitement

     As you can see, at around 12:00 noon at the start of this day, the housewife is excited to spend time with his baby. This is common and usually lasts for several weeks. Changing diapers is a joy. Every new look, smile and accomplishment is a treasure. Experiences are happening daily. It is truly a wonderful time that should be treasured. Still, it is plain to see in Grant that he has some fear setting in already (cluing us in to his accelerated rate of progression through these stages).

Stage 2: Fear

     It is natural for any new mother to question his ability to raise a child. There is a lot of pressure and a life is at stake. Additionally, this man is burdened by the legitimate fear that from a physical standpoint he might not be able to fully nurture his child. The fear stage tends to pass quickly, as the baby continues to grow and doesn't die. (What isn't shown here, due to the need for protecting other's privacy, is Grant later asks how to tell if a baby is full. He'll get there! Be patient!)

Stage 3: Sharing

 

     These are four of the pictures he added to The Facebook, each with increasingly worse captions (the one in the top right said "look what Santa left under the tree!" for crying out loud). It's natural for the housewife to want to share the cute, fun, memorable moments of his child's life, but he fails to realize that not everyone on his The Facebook feed cares. It becomes a bit much (and when he realizes he is overwhelming his friends, another solution is found, as we will see). This stage has no clear beginning or ending time, and can last FOREVER.

Stage 4: Emptiness and Other Pursuits

     How can the desperate housemom occupy his time? Facebook, feeding, cooking and cleaning aren't fulfilling. The man feels that there needs to be some real accomplishment in his personal life. He will become a "gardener," "chef," "photographer," (a natural extension from the "sharing" phase he may still be in), some sort of an interior or exterior designer. He might try to do some research or reading to keep the mind sharp. Maybe watch some documentaries to stay informed. Whatever it may be, his Other Pursuits culminate in a blog.

     The blog. This is the time when loved ones should become concerned. A truly worthwhile and important endeavor - raising a child - can be supplanted by a trivial, waste-of-time, never-going-to-profit, no-one-cares blog. It is a cry for help. "Please! Give me attention! Let me know I am loved for something more than storytime and milk! Why am I so alone!?" It is a sad and challenging time for all involved.

     Notice that middle post above, the blog that our hero (remember, that's inarguably better than "heroine") has started. He goes to the point of writing My Kid Is Special!! and posts incredibly embarassing pictures. He intends to continue updating this blog with the pathetic, depressing events of a housewife's life. Tragic.

Stage 5: Exhaustion

     The exhaustion phase is less obvious. Cracks start to show. Patience declines. Less effort is given to be polite, or to keep up appearances. He is just tired. A girls night out is a welcome break, but he feels guilty for leaving his son (and wants the world to know he's still a good, loved mom). He expresses his insecurities as a mother to the whole world. Maybe tomorrow will  be better? The hope he shows towards the end feels empty - as empty as taking up cross stitching. He's just flat tired.

     If you read through his posts quickly, you can see the decline of his temperament. He moves from happy, energetic and hopeful, to ultimately stressed, unhappy and probably on some sort of FBI lists. Usually this decline takes years and several children. Today it took ten hours. Truly an interesting case.

     Being a mom is a tough job. Again, I don't know that first hand, as I personally fulfill all of my manly duties as a manly husband. But I am trying to relate here. Those poor women. Do what you can to help any you might know. Heed their cries for help. A friend, a night out, a funny video with cats, anything. Be aware of the five stages of housewifery.