The End of Gag Gifts

      Two friends of mine were throwing a Roaring Twenties themed party, for their nearly-shared birthdays. These two fellas are very well dressed themselves. Both have been baristas at Starbucks, and I mean the sexy, charming, girls-come-get-coffee-to-see them types (when you picture these types of people, try and make me less gay sounding at the same time). So really, this was more of a "Dress To My Standards" party than a "Roaring 20's" party. There's no way I would be able to pull off an outfit on my own. Pretty much everything I know about the 20's can be summed up in this clip, and I'm not really even sure if the movie Newsies took place in the 20's (but Batman's in it!!).
       I had an idea about dressing up like a baseball player, because I feel like baggy cotton jerseys fit the era, and it would let me wear my Detroit Tigers hat. But a couple of ideas fell through, so I headed to Goodwill right before the party hoping to score a straight tie, suspenders, and a newsie cap if all went well. I ended up with just the suspenders and Tigers hat (read: I failed).

      While in line at Goodwill, there was a bin full of the cups pictured, advertised "5 for $0.99." It would actually have cost more if I were to buy one mug than five. I found a lot of fitting irony taking place: While I was utterly failing at looking classy for my classy friends' birthday party, here was the epitome of an unclassy way to celebrate someone's birthday. The 20's were elegant and understated, these mugs picture a porcelain derriere and censored the word "ass" with different keystrokes. Additionally, my friends weren't turning 50!! That's crazy! I'd never be friends with someone that old. The layers of hilarity were adding up.
     Then I made a mature decision. I figured, why buy the mugs, give them to my friends, enjoy maybe eight seconds of awkward humor and leave them with a piece of crap, when I could just take a picture of the mugs and accomplish the same thing? So I did. They don't have to throw the gifts away in a couple of weeks, I don't have to have my taste further questioned, and no one profited off of those abominations.
      So can we all agree? There's no more need to give gag gifts. If something looks funny, grab your phone and take a picture. If something acts or sounds funny, grab your phone and record a video. Beyond that, there's no reason to make the purchase (unless it's from The Onion, but even those gags you fill with actual gifts.