I've heard a couple of stories lately from friends where two people are on a date and the guy doesn't pay for the meal. I think in both cases it was a first-time-date. (In one of these dates the guy had already ordered food before the gal showed up, so, that's a special case I suppose). This seems to be a growing trend. I think part of it is due to the fear that a feminism-empowered woman might take offense at the insinuation that she can't afford her own meal. I'd like to propose another theory from personal experience:
He doesn't have any money.
In college I had a girlfriend coming to visit from California. We had met over the summer at a camp in Colorado. She hadn't been to Eugene yet, so none of my friends knew her, and they were pretty sure I was making her up.
I was fantastically poor in college. I once went a whole month with two dollars in the bank. I literally wrote a bad check to the IRS to pay my taxes, and those taxes were 36 dollars. (My assumption was that I was going to get paid before they got around to cashing the check, so it wouldn't be a big deal. I told this to my then-friend-now-wife Cara as an aside one day and she gave me 40 dollars right then and there, freaking out a bit. I guess I could have gone to jail or something? I don't know, it would have worked out. Ultimately, of course, I had done my taxes wrong and was owed a refund. I really had it together back then.)
Before she came to visit, my mother - in her infinite, penetrating wisdom - gave me some gifts. A gift card to Red Robin, a gift card to Safeway, and a little cash. This came unasked for and was extremely appreciated. I think my mom knew that any girl who would take an interest in me needed all the help she, and I, could get.
When she got into town we had a lot of fun. She met a billion people, saw that I was right when I said Oregon was way prettier than California, and had to put up with my house that smelled like boy-in-basement, among other things.
One of the last nights she was in town, a bunch of friends were going out to dinner and invited us. I said "Let's go to Red Robin!" But Kyle worked there and was sick of it, and that place isn't cool when you are in college. "No!! Really! Red Robin!!" I kept insisting. I had to use that gift card. It was decided we would go to McMenamins.
After we'd had our food, the check comes back and people are splitting it up, with all of the guys paying for their girlfriends if they had one present. I don't know why I waited until this point, maybe I thought someone would pick up the check, or something else magical would happen (really, these things tend to work out for me more often than you'd believe), but as people were getting out their wallets I whispered to my date "so... I only have four dollars. I can't pay for this." She smiled, gave me a look of pity, and grabbed her purse. She was gracious enough to hand me some cash and let me put it on the table. I might have offered to pay the tip.
Believe it or not, she eventually realized she could do better.
About two weeks later, I sold the 50 dollar Safeway gift card to a friend for 50 so I could pay rent. He was a good friend. I had lots of good friends, really. And my parents lived in town and my sister lived in a sorority of sorts, so I always had food if I needed it. I didn't have a car, played my friends' video games, didn't have any heat in my house and smelled like damp goose poo most of the time. I had a great time in college, but I don't miss it.
So, I think what we should all take away from this is clear: The guy should pay for the food if he is asking her, or set up on, the date. If he doesn't have any money, he shouldn't take the girl to a place where money is required. If he doesn't have any money, has poor hygiene and once tried to defraud the US government, he's not worth keeping around.
He doesn't have any money.
In college I had a girlfriend coming to visit from California. We had met over the summer at a camp in Colorado. She hadn't been to Eugene yet, so none of my friends knew her, and they were pretty sure I was making her up.
I was fantastically poor in college. I once went a whole month with two dollars in the bank. I literally wrote a bad check to the IRS to pay my taxes, and those taxes were 36 dollars. (My assumption was that I was going to get paid before they got around to cashing the check, so it wouldn't be a big deal. I told this to my then-friend-now-wife Cara as an aside one day and she gave me 40 dollars right then and there, freaking out a bit. I guess I could have gone to jail or something? I don't know, it would have worked out. Ultimately, of course, I had done my taxes wrong and was owed a refund. I really had it together back then.)
Before she came to visit, my mother - in her infinite, penetrating wisdom - gave me some gifts. A gift card to Red Robin, a gift card to Safeway, and a little cash. This came unasked for and was extremely appreciated. I think my mom knew that any girl who would take an interest in me needed all the help she, and I, could get.
When she got into town we had a lot of fun. She met a billion people, saw that I was right when I said Oregon was way prettier than California, and had to put up with my house that smelled like boy-in-basement, among other things.
One of the last nights she was in town, a bunch of friends were going out to dinner and invited us. I said "Let's go to Red Robin!" But Kyle worked there and was sick of it, and that place isn't cool when you are in college. "No!! Really! Red Robin!!" I kept insisting. I had to use that gift card. It was decided we would go to McMenamins.
After we'd had our food, the check comes back and people are splitting it up, with all of the guys paying for their girlfriends if they had one present. I don't know why I waited until this point, maybe I thought someone would pick up the check, or something else magical would happen (really, these things tend to work out for me more often than you'd believe), but as people were getting out their wallets I whispered to my date "so... I only have four dollars. I can't pay for this." She smiled, gave me a look of pity, and grabbed her purse. She was gracious enough to hand me some cash and let me put it on the table. I might have offered to pay the tip.
Believe it or not, she eventually realized she could do better.
About two weeks later, I sold the 50 dollar Safeway gift card to a friend for 50 so I could pay rent. He was a good friend. I had lots of good friends, really. And my parents lived in town and my sister lived in a sorority of sorts, so I always had food if I needed it. I didn't have a car, played my friends' video games, didn't have any heat in my house and smelled like damp goose poo most of the time. I had a great time in college, but I don't miss it.
So, I think what we should all take away from this is clear: The guy should pay for the food if he is asking her, or set up on, the date. If he doesn't have any money, he shouldn't take the girl to a place where money is required. If he doesn't have any money, has poor hygiene and once tried to defraud the US government, he's not worth keeping around.
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