Pastor's kids rebel. That's the stereotype. They are subject to so much pressure and scrutiny that they become a rebel without a cause and start dancing all footloose and other things happen. Well, I'm a PK and I didn't rebel. Neither did the PK's around my age at school or at my church. Why is that? I don't really know, but I am going to pretend like I do.
I think a big part of it is that Eugene, Oregon, is not a "churchy" town. Going to church on Sunday is not the socially correct thing to do, so being a PK doesn't carry as much weight here as it does in a lot of other places. There isn't the pressure of a whole town watching and analyzing your every move, and I think that makes a huge difference. When I went to school, I would guess that most of the people in my class didn't go to church at all, and many more were just holiday church-goers. All of those people, and by extension, all of their families, don't really care about who the pastor's son is.
Growing up in a non-churchy town has a strange effect as a PK. Whenever someone found out what my dad did, they would change how they acted around me. They'd try to stop cussing, maybe not tell a dirty joke, sometimes even apologize for using the Lord's name in vain. I kind of liked it. I think the idea of religion was really foreign to a lot of my classmates, so they weren't sure how to act around a person like me. This might be the case for all PK's everywhere, and in fact it might be the case for all obviously-Christian people as well, I don't know. But people would definitely change when I was around, and it was a little weird.
Since the whole town wasn't concerned with their pastor's children's lives, that really just leaves the church. When I was growing up (through college), my dad was a pastor at a really big church, with thousands of people attending on a given weekend. I'd be in sermons, I was leading small groups, I was even asked to represent "the youth of the church" at a special ceremony for the groundbreaking of a new church building. With all of those people and the attention that comes with it, I never felt like I was being terribly scrutinized, and that's a testament to the people in that church. I didn't feel a lot of pressure to act or be a certain way. It's very possible that I didn't feel that pressure because I was already acting in ways that were acceptable, for the most part, but I think it was different than at a lot of other churches.
My uncle (dad's brother) is also a pastor at a big church, up in Beaverton, Oregon. I remember walking into that church with my cousin Jess on a Christmas Eve service, and feeling everyone looking at me. I just knew it was happening. We as a family would all go sit in the front row of the church and wait for the service to be over so we could get at our presents, but it felt different. It's possible I was aware of the attention because it was new to me (like how my room never smelled to me but always did to the girls that came over -- once, and always asked why it smelled like damp goose and never came back). But I honestly think the attention I received at my uncle's church was fundamentally different from the attention I received at my church.
But the main place that pressure can come from - the pressure to act or be a certain way - has to be from home. There were a few times when my mom or dad would say something like "what would the church think," or "how would that look to the church," but a few times in 21 years is not that many. I came from a home that allowed me to be who I wanted to be, and that takes away any external pressure that might exist. I think even if I did go to a church, or live in a community, that was very preoccupied with the behavior of its PK's, having parents who didn't care if I was in AWANA or going to youth group every week would have been enough. Again, that might be a chicken-egg sort of conundrum (maybe my parents were laid-back because I was a good kid), but I don't think so.
There were a couple times in high-school when I was feeling stifled or judged for how I was behaving, or what I was planning on doing. I remember thinking, briefly, that I was tired of having to live up to other people's expectations, or that there was a lot of pressure on me because of who my dad was. I can understand that pressure being overwhelming if it is consistent and strong. But I made a realization at a very young age that has served me well for my life up to this point: no matter how many people are watching me and have expectations for me, it pales compared to the fact that God is watching and has expectations for me. In fact, pleasing Him was more important than pleasing everyone else, which is actually a freeing revelation (as opposed to piling on more pressure, in addition to all the people). It was like the corollary to the cheesy cross-stitch "Me and God is always a majority." Which, in math, is read Me + God > Everyone Else. I understood that if there was any reason to feel pressure from other people, there was much reason to feel "pressure" from God, in a good way.
I wonder what it'll be like for Wyatt (and his future siblings) to be a pastor's grandkid (PGK). Will he still be treated differently by peers when they find out? Having a dad for a teacher might be similar, if I end up teaching at his school. I guess I'll have to be careful to not put any unnecessary pressure on him to be a model churchgoer, or a fantastic mathematician. Things to think about I suppose.
I think a big part of it is that Eugene, Oregon, is not a "churchy" town. Going to church on Sunday is not the socially correct thing to do, so being a PK doesn't carry as much weight here as it does in a lot of other places. There isn't the pressure of a whole town watching and analyzing your every move, and I think that makes a huge difference. When I went to school, I would guess that most of the people in my class didn't go to church at all, and many more were just holiday church-goers. All of those people, and by extension, all of their families, don't really care about who the pastor's son is.
Growing up in a non-churchy town has a strange effect as a PK. Whenever someone found out what my dad did, they would change how they acted around me. They'd try to stop cussing, maybe not tell a dirty joke, sometimes even apologize for using the Lord's name in vain. I kind of liked it. I think the idea of religion was really foreign to a lot of my classmates, so they weren't sure how to act around a person like me. This might be the case for all PK's everywhere, and in fact it might be the case for all obviously-Christian people as well, I don't know. But people would definitely change when I was around, and it was a little weird.
Since the whole town wasn't concerned with their pastor's children's lives, that really just leaves the church. When I was growing up (through college), my dad was a pastor at a really big church, with thousands of people attending on a given weekend. I'd be in sermons, I was leading small groups, I was even asked to represent "the youth of the church" at a special ceremony for the groundbreaking of a new church building. With all of those people and the attention that comes with it, I never felt like I was being terribly scrutinized, and that's a testament to the people in that church. I didn't feel a lot of pressure to act or be a certain way. It's very possible that I didn't feel that pressure because I was already acting in ways that were acceptable, for the most part, but I think it was different than at a lot of other churches.
My uncle (dad's brother) is also a pastor at a big church, up in Beaverton, Oregon. I remember walking into that church with my cousin Jess on a Christmas Eve service, and feeling everyone looking at me. I just knew it was happening. We as a family would all go sit in the front row of the church and wait for the service to be over so we could get at our presents, but it felt different. It's possible I was aware of the attention because it was new to me (like how my room never smelled to me but always did to the girls that came over -- once, and always asked why it smelled like damp goose and never came back). But I honestly think the attention I received at my uncle's church was fundamentally different from the attention I received at my church.
But the main place that pressure can come from - the pressure to act or be a certain way - has to be from home. There were a few times when my mom or dad would say something like "what would the church think," or "how would that look to the church," but a few times in 21 years is not that many. I came from a home that allowed me to be who I wanted to be, and that takes away any external pressure that might exist. I think even if I did go to a church, or live in a community, that was very preoccupied with the behavior of its PK's, having parents who didn't care if I was in AWANA or going to youth group every week would have been enough. Again, that might be a chicken-egg sort of conundrum (maybe my parents were laid-back because I was a good kid), but I don't think so.
There were a couple times in high-school when I was feeling stifled or judged for how I was behaving, or what I was planning on doing. I remember thinking, briefly, that I was tired of having to live up to other people's expectations, or that there was a lot of pressure on me because of who my dad was. I can understand that pressure being overwhelming if it is consistent and strong. But I made a realization at a very young age that has served me well for my life up to this point: no matter how many people are watching me and have expectations for me, it pales compared to the fact that God is watching and has expectations for me. In fact, pleasing Him was more important than pleasing everyone else, which is actually a freeing revelation (as opposed to piling on more pressure, in addition to all the people). It was like the corollary to the cheesy cross-stitch "Me and God is always a majority." Which, in math, is read Me + God > Everyone Else. I understood that if there was any reason to feel pressure from other people, there was much reason to feel "pressure" from God, in a good way.
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