Finishing The Sound of Music

Stupid movie, beautiful setting

     I have probably seen The Sound of Music seventeen times. I have certainly, without a doubt, seen it start to finish zero times. It was on TV this Christmas Eve, like it is every holiday, and I thought "maybe I'll watch it just to get it over with." Well, that lasted for about a song. Then, flipping through the channels three hours later it was still on!! It's like Lord of the Rings but without anything cool ever happening.
     So, having never seen the movie all the way through (or even close), here is what I think I have pieced together.

The problem with Maria? Has to be that haircut.

      Maria has some sort of problem that can't be solved. (I think that problem is probably her weird haircut, and the best way to solve it is to let her grow it out. That's how you solve the problem with Maria. Movie over.) Also, she's a nun who is babysitting for a man with a mean exterior but undoubtedly tender, fragile insides. They are in Austria and the Nazis are doing something. The dad is a captain for the Austrian army and has to go fight for the Nazis? They escape through the hills. In the meantime there is some musical contest that some guy is putting on? And the family is going to participate in it as a cover for their escape? Some girl is 16 going on 17. She likes some boy. The kids don't have new clothes so they wear drapes. They learn to love and laugh again through the magic of music. Oh! And the dad was married but she died but he is seeing this woman and then I guess something happens there too.

Okay, let's see if I can name all of the songs
     - the hills are alive
     - how do you solve a problem like maria
     - climb every mountain (sung by the most dramatic, weird sounding nun in history)
     - 16 going on 17
     - a few of my favorite things
     - a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down
     - do re mi (actually a pretty fun song and scene)
     - so long farewell alvederzane goodnight
     - eidelvise
   
     That's nine songs I can think of, but I am sure there must be 40. How on earth could there be a 6 hour musical with only nine songs? I bet Newsies had more songs than that. I bet I could name more than nine songs from Newsies (king of new york, seize the day, santa fe, the wake-up-and-get-to-work song, that gather up the masses the song they sing a couple of times okay that's just six), and I definitely know more songs from Wicked. What a long, painful move.