Monday, December 19, 2011

My Reality Show

The setting of the best TV show ever
You would watch this show. Try and tell me you wouldn't watch this show.

     Everytime I walk through a Costco I have two thoughts. First, I think "I would love to have that big TV." Second, I think "I wonder how long I could live in this place, all by myself?" If I were locked inside a Costco, and could use and have everything in the store, how long would I last?
     I've decided that I could live out the rest of my natural life. I might go crazy, and there's a chance I might die early and unhealthy due to a lack of vegetables, but I bet I could live about as long as I would if I weren't locked in a Costco.
     So then I thought, if I could live my natural life in a Costco, I wonder how many people a Costco could support indefinitely. 50? That seems like a bit much. Maybe 15 or 20? I am super curious. There's a kitchen, freezers and refridgerators, lots of gasoline and electricity, leaf blowers, socks, literally tons of metal scaffolding for building and playing with, tools, frozen and non-frozen food, trampolines, energy and juice drinks from the future, medicine, and furniture. It has everything, right!?
      So, if there is a zombie apolcalypse, the first place I am going is to Costco. I want to get in there, lock the doors and never open them. There'd be weapons to fight off the zombies and food to eat and zombie movies to watch and zombie-killing video games to play in my now-zombie-centric life. I recommend you do the same, but don't come to my Costco because I've gone off the edge and I will kill you. But that's not my TV show.

     The show is called ... something. I haven't figured that out yet.

     There are three competing groups of 15ish people. Each group has its own Costco. They walk in, the doors shut and lock behind them. There is no leaving. They can do whatever they want with whatever they can find within that Costco. That includes forklifts and cars and those fun suction tubes they used to use when I was young. Whichever group can stay safe and sane inside the Costco wins. Each member of the winning group gets a million dollars (second place gets a hundred thousand or something). They don't have phones or internet, or any means to contact the outside world. Each group will have at least two doctors, and something along the lines of a construction worker/architect/plumber/electrician/etc. The groups will have the personnel necessary to survive. Each group doesn't know if the other groups have quit yet, so they might be the winning group and not know it.

     The group can remove someone from among them if they unanimously agree to get rid of that person. This can happen at any time. This can only happen twice. A person who is voted out gets no share of winnings.

     Oooh, I just thought of this: Costcotopia.

     So, if the group has already voted out two people and then a third person gets extremely sick, they have a choice to make. If there is a third person driving everyone crazy, do they quarantine him to a part of the Costco? Do they build a jail? Is there law? Can they get married? Can they grow their own food? I DON'T KNOW. I don't know and I want to know.

     Wouldn't you watch this show?! Who knows what they would build, how they would structure their society, and what kind of crazy crap would go down? Costco would make a ton of money, every product in Costco would get advertising, and holy crap it's brilliant!

     Does anyone know how I can get in touch with The Discovery Channel, or NBC?


Anonymous said...

this is a test to see if I can leave a comment

Anonymous said...

Trying again...

I am fairly certain I could live in Costco forever and outside of missing fresh air and sunshine and all of the other outdoorsy things I would give up, I could be happy. Perhaps this could be a California Costco though? I'd like the option to have vodka.

So my only caveat would be that all food is replaced upon expiration date. It would have to be replaced with the same item. But since the average life span is 80ish years, and that gives me 40 more at least, then I'm pretty sure most food would have outlived its shelf life.

Other than that, I'd be good.

Leah said...

I think I'd rather an Oregon Costco. Hot Coffee.

Anonymous said...

Ha, nice idea. Yes, I would watch it. I do wonder about replacing the food, though- even food with long shelf lives don't last for decades. Can you imagine the massive BBQ you could have the first week, though, with all of that food?

Grant Gilchrist said...

I think I'd put in challenges - kind of like immunity challenges from survivor - but the rewards would be vegetables, fruit, dairy, gasoline, any one perishable they might need.

Andrew said...

Welcome to Costco. I love you.